Exploring Bedroom Fantasies: Normal And Healthy?

Sexual fantasies are a normal part of life. While some may be hotter in fantasy than in reality, others might be things you want to test out in real life.

Sexual fantasies are any mental image, thought, or story that turns you on. You may be dying to act it out or just like to think about it. But while we all have our thing that gets us going, some people tend to question if their kinky sex fantasies are normal.

The truth is, there is no normal when it comes to sexual fantasies. As long as the fantasy is consensual, it can be carried out. So, if you're wondering whether your bedroom fantasies are normal, the answer is yes!

Multi-partner sex

If you want to share this fantasy with your partner, it's important to first ask for their consent to incorporate this kind of language in the bedroom. You could say something like, "I've been thinking it might be hot to talk through a fantasy of another person joining us in bed. What do you think?"

If you want to act on this fantasy, it's crucial to establish clear consent and boundaries with all parties involved. Discuss what each person is comfortable with, set a plan for how the encounter might go, and establish a safe word that signals the need to slow down or stop.

• Figure out your goals: Are you clear that you want to make this fantasy a reality, or do you want to keep it solely as a fantasy?
• Consent to the conversation: Ensure both partners consent to having a discussion about sexual fantasies.
• Use visual examples: Bring up a scene from a movie or TV show that aligns with your fantasy as an introduction to the topic.
• Negotiate boundaries: Discuss what practices you will engage in and establish safer sex practices.
• Safe words: Agree on a safe word that signals the need to slow down or stop.
• Aftercare: Plan for aftercare, such as resetting and connecting after the experience.

Remember, it's normal to have sexual fantasies, and it's important to communicate openly and respectfully with your partner(s) about your desires and boundaries.

Dominance and submission

Section break

Rough sex is a sexual act that is aggressive, animalistic, and perhaps somewhat violent. It is often depicted as more passionate than other kinds of sex, but can also be associated with unhealthy abusive sex. Though, rough is not inherently dangerous or abusive.

BDSM, which encompasses much of rough sex, stands for bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism. BDSM encompasses many different kinks — often considered atypical sexual practices. Dominant or submissive sex often involves the consensual assuming and relinquishing of power between those involved. It can involve tying your partner up, spanking, and an entire spectrum of other behaviours and emotional entanglements.

Some people are aroused by light restraint, others by intense physical pain.section break

Psychological roleplay — like that between a teacher and student or a boss and employee — may also be considered BDSM as it involves an exchange of power.

A 2018 survey of 4,000 people by Justin Lehmiller, PhD, found that 93% of women and 81% of men had fantasised about being sexually dominated. Further, 85% of men and 76% of women had fantasised about being sexually dominant.

Section break

Before acting on this fantasy, it is important to establish consent and boundaries with your partner, and are following all local laws around nudity and sex.

Section break

Tips for approaching your partner with sexual fantasies:

• Establish consent
• Discuss boundaries
• Use proper protection
• Treat your partner with respect

Voyeurism and exhibitionism

Voyeurism has been linked to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and can be treated using similar approaches. It is also more common among men than women, though this may be due to a lack of research on female voyeurism. Some studies suggest that men and women are equally likely to engage in voyeurism when presented with the opportunity. Non-consensual voyeurism is considered a form of sexual abuse and is illegal in many countries.

Exhibitionism, as a consensual kink, is distinct from exhibitionistic disorder, a mental health condition characterised by deriving sexual arousal from exposing oneself to unsuspecting individuals. Healthy exhibitionism is a celebration of eroticism and is often fuelled by a desire to be seen and admired. It can manifest as a desire to be watched by a partner, to perform a striptease, or to have sex in a public place. Like voyeurism, it is a common fantasy and can be explored through role-play, mutual masturbation, or sex parties with consenting adults.

Sex in public or unusual locations

Sexual fantasies are a normal part of life. They can be hot and steamy, or they can be tame and romantic. Some people may want to act out their fantasies, while others may prefer to keep them in the realm of fantasy. Either way, it's totally normal to have sexual fantasies.

• Figure out your goals: Ask yourself if this is something you want to pursue in reality. It's important to note that acting on this fantasy is often illegal, so make sure you are following local laws and guidelines.
• Consent and communication: Both partners must consent to the discussion and the fantasy itself. Be transparent about what you want and don't want, and establish boundaries.
• Safe words: Agree on a safe word or phrase that signals a request to slow down or stop.
• Aftercare: Discuss what you will do after the fantasy is acted out, such as resetting and connecting with each other, debriefing, or cuddling.
• Be creative: If you can't act out your fantasy in a public place, get creative! Try role-playing or acting out a famous sex scene from a movie.
• Keep it light and fun: Don't take yourself too seriously. Enjoy the experience and embrace the adventure!

Roleplay and cosplay

Roleplay Scenarios

• Boss and Employee: Grab your work outfit and pretend you're at your desk, letting your partner show you what it means to work overtime.
• Professor and Student: Play with power dynamics and explore teacher-student fantasies.
• Nurse and Patient: Get into character by examining your partner's body from head to toe and exploring various erogenous zones.
• Police Officer: Use a pair of handcuffs for restraint, followed by a body search and creative punishments.
• Dominatrix: Blindfold your partner to help them feel uninhibited and more confident.
• Personal Trainer: Demand your partner gives you 10 reps of a move of your choosing.
• Cheerleader and Football Player: Grab a jersey for your partner and a referee outfit for yourself, and get ready to call the plays.

Cosplay Ideas

• Schoolgirl: Try a sexy student outfit with a plaid mini skirt and tie-top.
• Maid: Dress up as a French maid with a lace apron and choker.
• Nurse: Wear a naughty nurse's outfit and examine your partner's body.
• Police Officer: Put on a sexy police uniform and handcuffs.
• Cheerleader: Wear a sexy cheerleading uniform and pom-poms.
• Anime Character: Cosplay as your favorite anime character, whether it's a maid, cat, or Egyptian outfit.
• Secretary: Opt for a sexy secretary uniform with a deep V-neck and white socks.
• Waitress: Dress up as a Hooters Girl with the iconic tank top and shorts.
• Belly Dancer: Wear a sexy harem hottie belly dancer costume.
• Prisoner: Try a sexy prisoner roleplay costume.
• Catwoman: Opt for a sexy bunny roleplay lingerie set.

Remember, it's important to establish consent and boundaries before acting out any fantasies. Ensure that both you and your partner are comfortable and have fun exploring these roleplay and cosplay ideas!

Frequently asked questions