Take Control: Dominance In The Bedroom

Being dominant in the bedroom can be a fun way to spice up your sex life and explore new fantasies with your partner. It's important to remember that dominance should always be consensual and done respectfully. Before engaging in any dominant behaviour, it is crucial to have open and honest communication with your partner about boundaries and desires. Dominance doesn't have to involve physical restraint or pain; it can be as simple as adopting a commanding presence, using dirty talk, or making minor behavioural changes such as maintaining eye contact or giving positive affirmations. It's also important to remember that dominance doesn't have to be dark or cruel; it can be light, playful, and even giggly. Embracing your dominant side can boost your confidence, enhance communication with your partner, and add a thrilling dimension to your intimate life. So, if you're interested in exploring your dominant side, start by understanding your desires, communicating with your partner, and gradually introducing new ideas to keep things exciting.

Establish consent and boundaries

Being dominant in the bedroom can be exciting and enjoyable for both partners, but it's important to establish consent and boundaries beforehand. Here are some tips to ensure that everyone involved feels safe and respected:

Communicate Openly

Open and honest communication is key to establishing consent and boundaries. Before engaging in any dominant-submissive play, have a conversation with your partner about what each of you is comfortable with. Discuss desires, boundaries, and limits. It's important to understand your partner's needs and expectations and to set clear boundaries that you are both comfortable with. This conversation can happen well before any sexual activity or as a sexy prelude right before. Either way, it's important to get on the same page and ensure that both partners are enthusiastic participants.

Safe Words

As part of your communication, establish a safe word or phrase that your partner can use if they feel uncomfortable or want the activity to stop. This gives your partner a clear way to communicate their boundaries and ensures that their consent is respected at all times. A safe word is essential for maintaining trust and creating a safe space for exploration.

Consent is Ongoing

Remember that consent is an ongoing process. Just because your partner consented to something in the past doesn't mean they consent to it every time. Check in with your partner regularly, both verbally and by paying attention to their non-verbal cues. Ask questions, encourage them to share their feelings, and respect their boundaries.

Dominance Doesn't Excuse Cruelty

Dominating your partner doesn't give you free rein to be cruel or demeaning. Dominance is about exploring power dynamics and heightening pleasure, not causing harm or disregarding your partner's well-being. It's about closeness, connection, and consent.

Start Slow and Build Up

You don't have to dive headfirst into the deep end. Start with psychological domination and work your way up, introducing new elements gradually. This gives both partners a chance to get comfortable with the dynamic and ensures that you're not overwhelming your partner.

Aftercare is Important

Being submissive can be intense and may put your partner in a vulnerable mental space. After a session, provide aftercare to help your partner feel safe and grounded again. This might include cuddling, reassurance, or simply checking in to see how they're feeling.

By following these guidelines, you can establish consent and boundaries in a way that creates a safe and enjoyable experience for both partners.

Be bossy

Being the dominant partner means taking control. To be convincing, you need to act the part, from your body language to the tone of your voice and the commands you give.

Start by maintaining eye contact. "Nothing says, 'I am going to f*ing devour you,' like steady eye contact before a kiss," says fetish wrestler and pro domme Katarina "theDommeKat" Pierce. You can also tell your partner not to look at you, which is another way to exert your dominance.

Use a commanding tone of voice and be firm in your instructions. Try out words like "Daddy", "Sir", and "Master" to denote who's in control. You can also ask your partner to call you Mistress, Queen, or Boss.

Dominance is also about body language. Stand tall and take up space. Push your partner up against a wall when you kiss them, or wrap your arms around them while you're on top, letting them feel your weight.

Don't ask, just tell. Instead of saying, "Could you go slower?", look your partner in the eyes and say, "Slower." Moan afterwards to let them know that it was a command, not a criticism.

Dominating isn't the same as being cruel or demeaning to your partner. It's about taking the lead and pursuing your pleasure, while still respecting your partner's boundaries and consent.

You can also try gentle aggression as part of your dominance play. Spanking, hair pulling, and gentle restraints like handcuffs or scarves can be a good way to introduce light bondage.

Remember, being dominant is about projecting the right attitude and taking control of the situation to heighten your partner's pleasure.

Wear something intimidating

If you're looking to dominate your partner in the bedroom, one of the easiest ways to get into the role is to dress the part.

If you have the time, invest in some sexy costumes or sultry latex outfits. Your partner will appreciate the effort, and you'll feel more confident and in control.

You don't necessarily need to go out and buy handcuffs, whips, or ropes to get started. However, if you want to incorporate light bondage into your domination, you can use soft-lined handcuffs or adjustable ones for comfort. You can also opt for silicone handcuffs, which are pleasant to the touch and comfortable to wear.

For blindfolding, a soft eye mask or a silky scarf can be used, providing a gentle and sensual experience for your partner. The same type of scarf can be used to bind your partner's wrists together or tie them to the bedpost.

If you're just starting to explore domination, keep it light and playful. You don't have to go full "dungeon-master" with red and black colours and dim lighting unless that's what you and your partner are specifically into.

Remember, it's essential to communicate with your partner beforehand to understand their boundaries and what they are and aren't comfortable with. Have fun and enjoy the power play!

Tease your partner

Teasing your partner is a great way to assert your dominance in the bedroom. Here are some tips to help you get started:

Slow Kisses, Dirty Talk, and Touch: Start by whispering dirty words in their ear, slowly kissing them, and teasing them with your touch. Ask them what they are feeling and make them beg for more. Control how your partner experiences pleasure by deciding when and how to proceed. You can also ask your partner to taste you and then suddenly stop, teasing them until their urge is too much to bear.

Control Their Orgasm: Take charge of your partner's orgasmic timing. For example, go down on them and stop just before they reach climax. Say something like, "I don't think I'm going to let you do that just yet." Then, take a break and give them a few minutes to cool off before repeating as many times as you dare.

Use Restraints: Invest in some sexy bed restraints and blindfolds to restrict your partner's movements. With their consent, you can also grab their hair, spank them, or engage in hair pulling (done right, it can be sexy and not painful). Tease them, stroke them, and kiss them until they can't take it anymore.

Dominant Sex Positions: Choose sex positions that give you control. For example, try cowgirl or reverse cowgirl, where you can be in charge of the movement. If your partner tries to take the lead, stop them and remind them that you are in control. Another idea is to straddle their face while they lie flat on their back—a definite power move.

Role-Playing: Try role-playing as a way to explore different dominant personas. Choose roles that make you the boss, such as a teacher to a student or a boss to a secretary. Don't be afraid to invest in costumes and toys to enhance the experience.

Remember, communication is key. Discuss boundaries and consent beforehand, and always respect your partner's limits. Have fun and enjoy the thrill of dominating your partner in the bedroom!

Control your partner's climax

Controlling your partner's climax is a key aspect of sexual dominance, and there are several techniques to achieve this. Firstly, it's important to establish consent and ensure your partner is comfortable with you taking control. Once consent is established, you can employ various methods to delay or intensify their orgasm.

One technique is to use "tease and denial", where you bring your partner close to orgasm and then stop the stimulation. This can be done through physical restraint or by simply slowing down or changing the type of stimulation. You can also incorporate external clitoral stimulation, as most people with vulvas require this to reach orgasm. Try different sex positions that provide clitoral stimulation, such as the coital alignment technique or the lotus position.

Another way to control your partner's climax is to focus on their erogenous zones, such as their neck, nipples, inner thighs, and ears. You can also try different motions or paces during intercourse or masturbation to build tension and sensation. Additionally, you can use dirty talk to express what you're doing and how good it feels, which can help intensify their arousal.

Remember, communication is key. Ask your partner about their fantasies and what they enjoy. Take the lead and be bossy, but always respect your partner's boundaries and comfort level.

Frequently asked questions