Rekindling Romance: Bedroom Edition

Keeping the spark alive in a long-term relationship can be challenging, but it's normal for couples to experience a decrease in sexual frequency and intimacy over time. To bring the romance back into the bedroom, it's important to focus on both emotional and physical connection.

1. Foster emotional intimacy: Work on your emotional connection by meeting your partner's needs and communicating your own in a loving, respectful manner. Express your feelings and be vulnerable with each other.

2. Rekindle sexual chemistry: Hold hands, hug, and engage in tender touch to affirm your love. Set a goal of increasing the length of time you kiss, hug, and use sensual touch.

3. Change your pattern of initiating sex: Avoid criticism and blame when it comes to sex. Distancers may want to initiate sex more often, while pursuers can find subtle ways to express their partner's attractiveness without critique and demands for closeness.

4. Create a romantic atmosphere: Transform your bedroom into a romantic getaway with mood lighting, scented candles, and luxurious fabrics. Add more pillows and opt for warm-coloured drapes.

5. Make time for each other: Carve out quality time to spend together, flirt, and court each other. Go on dates, plan romantic getaways, and create opportunities for physical touch beyond the bedroom.

6. Experiment and prioritise sex: Break up the routine by trying new things in the bedroom as sexual needs evolve. Make sex a priority by setting the mood with music, a light meal, and your favourite wine.

7. Focus on affectionate touch: Offer your partner a back or shoulder rub, even if you're not typically touchy-feely. Affectionate touch is a powerful way to demonstrate and rekindle passion.

Set aside time to reconnect

Setting aside time to reconnect with your partner is a great way to bring back the romance in your relationship. Here are some tips to help you achieve this:

Prioritize intimacy:

Make intimacy a priority, whether it's through cuddling, talking, or having sex. Set aside 10-30 minutes each day to be fully present with your partner, blocking out the rest of the world. Enjoy this time before work or as you're getting ready for bed to create a more sex-friendly atmosphere.

Plan couple activities:

Engage in activities that bring you both pleasure. Plan a weekly date night, either by going out or doing something creative at home. It doesn't have to be expensive; pack a picnic, visit a free museum, or cook a gourmet dinner together. You can also take turns planning secret dates for each other, dressing up and adding an element of surprise and mystery.

Foster emotional intimacy:

A good sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness. Focus on meeting your partner's needs and effectively communicating your own. Practice emotional attunement by showing empathy and expressing your feelings in terms of positive needs rather than criticisms or demands. Share your innermost wishes, fantasies, and desires to build a deeper connection.

Create quality alone time:

Make an effort to spend quality time together without distractions. Go to bed together at the same time and stick to it. Avoid bringing work, chores, or household discussions into the bedroom. Instead, use this time for pillow talk—sweet conversations about your children, dream vacations, or compliments towards each other.

Bring back romantic gestures:

Small gestures can go a long way in showing your partner that you care. Bring them flowers, surprise them with their favourite treat, or prepare their lunch for the next day. These gestures will make your partner feel loved and appreciated, creating a more romantic atmosphere in your relationship.

Be adventurous together

Being adventurous together is an important part of any long-term relationship. It's not just about trying new things in the bedroom, but also about seeking out new experiences together. When you face the thrill of unknown places and experiences, your body produces dopamine, a hormone that enhances feelings of pleasure. The more you try new things as a couple, the more your brain will associate your time together with excitement and pleasure.

• Plan a road trip or a long day trip together. Divide up the work and make sure it's either evenly split or that you're both doing things you enjoy. You could spend a long day at the lake or beach, or go hiking, fishing, stargazing, or camping.
• Try new things in the bedroom. You could change the location or time of day that you have sex, try new positions, or introduce toys.
• Go on weekly date nights. This doesn't have to mean expensive restaurants and babysitters. Pack a picnic, go to a free museum, or cook a gourmet dinner at home.
• Take a weekend trip with your friends to explore a new city, or go on an adventure independently and bring back new stories and ideas to share with your partner.
• Get creative with date night by trying new restaurants, skydiving, or planning intriguing activities to add an extra spark.

Remember, mutual consent is critical when it comes to bedroom activities. Start small and work your way up to bigger things.

Be intimate

Intimacy is one of the most important aspects of a romantic relationship. It is the sense of another person fully knowing you and loving you for who you are. Sex can be a great way to experience intimacy, but it is much more than just the act of intercourse. Intimate sex is when both partners create a safe space to be fully engaged with and attentive to each other's physical and emotional needs.

Make time for emotional conversations

Creating a safe space for emotional conversations is crucial for building intimacy. Be open and vulnerable with your partner, sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This allows your partner to truly know and understand you, fostering a deeper connection.

Do something new together

Engaging in new experiences together can enhance intimacy by creating shared memories and fostering emotional closeness. This could include travelling to a new place, trying a new activity, or even just cooking a meal together. These shared experiences will bring you closer and create lasting memories.

Relish the routine

While doing new things together is important, it's also essential to find intimacy in the everyday routine. Simple gestures like holding hands, resting your head on your partner's shoulder, or giving them a hug can be powerful ways to connect and build emotional closeness. These small moments of physical affection remind your partner of your love and commitment.

Talk about sex

Open and honest communication about sex is vital for building intimacy. Discuss your expectations, preferences, likes, and dislikes. This will ensure that you and your partner are on the same page and avoid any misunderstandings or discomfort. It also adds an element of excitement and anticipation to your sexual relationship.

Minimize distractions

To increase intimacy during sex, it's important to minimize distractions. Turn off your phones, turn off the TV, and choose a private location. By eliminating potential interruptions, you can ensure that you and your partner are fully present and engaged with each other, enhancing the intimacy of the experience.

Don't forget foreplay

Instead of rushing into intercourse, take your time with foreplay. Gradually build up the sexual tension by exploring each other's bodies. This extra time focusing on each other will heighten your senses and create a more intimate experience.

Engage all your senses

Take it slow and engage not just the sense of touch but also sound, taste, sight, and smell. Listen to your partner's breathing, smell their hair, taste their skin. By activating all your senses, you can enjoy your partner on multiple levels, creating an incredibly intimate experience.

Delay gratification

Instead of rushing towards orgasm, try delaying it. This allows the intensity to build, heightening your senses and creating more opportunities for intimate connections.

Foster emotional vulnerability

Share your innermost wishes, fantasies, and desires with your partner. Being emotionally vulnerable with each other creates a deep sense of trust and intimacy. If you fear emotional intimacy, consider seeking the help of a therapist, either individually or as a couple.

Make the bedroom a sanctuary

Creating a relaxing and sensual bedroom environment can enhance intimacy. Consider using soft lighting, scented candles, and luxurious bedding. Get rid of clutter and create a space that feels calm and inviting. This will help you and your partner feel more relaxed and present during intimate moments.

Get creative with date night

Date nights are a great way to build an emotional connection with your partner and enhance desire and romance. Here are some creative date night ideas to help keep the spark alive:

• Restaurant-hopping: Instead of going to your usual spot, try visiting a few new restaurants. You can also check out a food hall or an area with different restaurants and have appetizers at one place, dinner at another, and dessert at a third location.
• Tour an art gallery: Get acquainted with upcoming artists or check out the opening night of one of your favorite artists.
• See a play: Enjoy an evening or midday theatre show, whether it's on or off-Broadway.
• Try an escape room: Put your logic and teamwork skills to the test as you attempt to solve puzzles before time runs out.
• Cook together: Try out a new recipe, even if you're not much of a cook. It can be a fun and humorous experience, and you get to enjoy the results of your efforts afterward.
• Play board games: Bring out the classics or try something new. You can even add a friendly wager to make things more exciting.
• Go antique hunting: Explore antique stores together and discover unique gems and creepy tchotchkes.
• Make crafts: Get creative and make art or crafts together. Don't worry about being a pro—embrace the beauty in imperfection.
• See a comedy show: Laughing together releases endorphins and strengthens your bond. Even if the show isn't that great, you can still laugh about it afterward!
• Go to an open house or estate sale: It might seem odd, but there's a thrill in looking inside someone else's home, and you might even get some interior design inspiration.
• Do karaoke: Belt out some sappy love songs or your favorite duets. If you can find a karaoke place with private rooms, it can make the experience even more intimate.
• Go axe-throwing: It's a fun way to release stress and try something new together.
• Go stargazing: Grab a blanket and head to your backyard or a local park to search for constellations. It's a romantic way to connect with nature and each other.
• Take a dance class: Even if you have two left feet, taking a dance class together can be fun and unique. You'll be the stars of the dance floor at the next wedding or party.
• Plan a scavenger hunt: Create a scavenger hunt for your partner or do one together around your neighborhood. You can also look for organized scavenger hunts in your area or try a romantic scavenger hunt kit for a special at-home experience.
• Go horseback riding: Ride off into the sunset together and enjoy some quality time in nature.
• Take a road trip: Collaborate on planning a road trip, whether it's a day trip or a longer adventure. It's a great way to explore new places and create lasting memories.
• Have a movie night: Choose a movie that's significant to both of you, or recreate your first date by watching the film you saw together. Don't forget the snacks!
• Do a wine tasting: Visit local wineries or wine bars and sample different varietals. If you live near wine country, you can even plan a wine tour and enlist a designated driver.
• Go to a concert: Enjoy live music, whether it's your favorite band or a terrible cover band. Dancing and singing along will make it even more fun.
• Try glamping: If one of you loves camping and the other prefers luxury, meet in the middle with a glamping trip. Enjoy the great outdoors while still having some creature comforts.
• Foster or rescue a pet: If you live together, go to an animal shelter and welcome a furry friend into your home. It's a rewarding experience that will bring you closer together.
• Do a food truck tour: Support local food entrepreneurs while enjoying a variety of tasty treats. It's a fun way to explore your city or town.
• Take a photo walk: Wander around and capture anything that catches your eye. Try shooting from different perspectives, be creative, and have fun!

Prioritise sleep

Sleep is essential for a healthy relationship. Getting a good night's sleep can improve your health and give your relationship a boost. It can make you and your partner more interested in having sex by replenishing important hormones like testosterone and estrogen. Sleep also gives couples a greater sense of security and peace in their relationship.

• Get a bigger bed: If you or your partner are bed hoggers, a bigger bed can give you more space to spread out and reduce disturbances during the night.
• Wind down before bed: Take time to wind down before sleep. You can do this through mindfulness, eating better, reducing alcohol and nicotine intake, and managing stress.
• Make personal adjustments: Try using earplugs or an eye mask, having separate bed coverings, or using a fan that only hits one person. You can also try reading with a head torch if your partner prefers to sleep in darkness.
• Address snoring: If your partner snores, try rolling them onto their side and using a firmer pillow. Losing weight, avoiding allergy triggers, and reducing alcohol consumption before sleep may also help. If these don't work, consider using earplugs or getting your partner's snoring checked by a doctor, as it could be a sign of sleep apnoea.
• Communicate and compromise: Talk to your partner about your sleep needs and be open to adapting to different environments. It's important to find a compromise that works for both of you.
• Consider separate rooms: If all else fails, sleeping in separate rooms is an option. It doesn't mean your relationship is failing; instead, it can improve the quality of your sleep and your relationship.

Remember, getting a good night's sleep is crucial for your health and your relationship, so make sure to prioritise it!

Frequently asked questions